I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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