It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
