Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
