her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
