i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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