Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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