I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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