After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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