i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She bit a glass in half.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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