I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
