after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
