I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The best revenge is premature balding
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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