If i come over, it means nothing
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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