I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
