oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
