i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
