a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
