If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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