Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
