How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
