dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I enjoy the company of your penis
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
