Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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