he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
