I murdered the dance floor call the cops
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
