dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
