You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
His nipple licking is glorious
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