At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
