I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
