Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
