Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
