i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
