Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
