Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
