i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
