i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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