Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
