Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
