This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
