i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
