im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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