I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
