WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
