Got a toothbrush?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
