He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
