When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
