The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
