God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
