How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
