Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
