but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
